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  • Writer's pictureHank Klint

Airlines - How To Humble Humanity

The food they serve is bad, it’s not the humidity in the cabin!

I’m not usually a conspiracy theorist. The only conspiracies I believe in are those where the reason for the conspiracy is incompetence. The moon landing was fake? No, no, no, that involves too many people competently keeping a secret. The Earth is flat? No, that would involve too many people being involved in competently manipulating things we use in day to day life - time zones, air travel, weather mapping etc. I can, however, fully get wild conspiracies that involves humans being dumb and making mistakes that have catastrophic consequences. Or theories that are driven by capitalism or greed…

The Dalai Lama pulls a 6 figure salary from the US government just to piss off China? I Believe it. Canada tried to develop a way to detect gay people? I’m all on board with believing that. The US collected dead babies to test nuclear fallout on? Sombre, but I’m all for that.

In a world where truth is subjective, I hold one belief true to my heart. I hold with full conviction that I completely believe that airlines have completely made up the fact that airline food tastes bad because of the difference in humidity in an airplane. It is absolute bullshit and that theory gets floated around time and time again. I fully believe it is men in suits that have spent a lot of money on a PR campaign to make the world believe that this is the case, in order to cut costs and serve us shit airline food.

There must have been a boardroom meeting of people in smart casual, sipping starbucks brainstorming ideas on how to save money, and some intern came up with this stupid idea and they just rolled with it, and it has saved them tonnes of money. It’s actually aggravating to assume that this is how many of the worlds worst capitalist decisions are made.

I have actually had good airline food on some international flights. Flavours and tastes that dance on your tongue as you wash it down with some of the duty free’s finest bubbly. And I have also had some absolute garbage meals, on some of the low cost carriers. My sample size is limited, but I fully expect a public apology from the airlines for leading us astray like this. Just own up to the fact the profit margins are razor thin, and you need to cut costs.

Twenty years down the line we are going to get a check in the mail for $20 dollars because we are unsuspectingly part of some class action lawsuit where the airlines have been found out.

And I am all for it.

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